Lessons through tears

I found myself crying tonight. Crying alone. Crying ice cold tears that pierced through the silence of my room. I layed facedown on my bed, and started questioning God. Why is this happening to me, again? Why can't my family see what they are doing to me? Questions of the sort fell out of my mouth before they were processed through my mind. Before long, my words ceased, the tears quit falling, and I found myself listening. Being still. After a lot of thought, I realized that I wasn't sure why I was feeling the way that I did. I mean, yea, alot has been going on the past couple weeks, but I just felt like I was in a rut, and I couldnt climb out. The way I felt reminded me of when I was "depressed". I recognized it. Hmm..not going to happen again!! I started praying again...and somewhere between prayer, tears, and silence...God spoke to me. I so easily take my eyes off of him. It is so easy for me to sit and wallop in my own emotions. When emotions run hay-wire, so does our flesh! That is what God showed me tonight. When I let emotions, like tonight, over-run what my heart was saying, something is out of line. Example: I was talking to Ry and told him that I know I don't have to worry about money, i've been paying my tithes and I knew that God would be faithful. Before I went to bed tonight, God took care of my needs! Somebody gave me the exact amount that I needed, and told me not to pay them back. Now had I let my emotions get in the way of the person giving me that money, I would have denied their offer, because its "hard" for me to accept help from people. But, when pushing emotions aside, i knew that the money was from God, and that the person would be blessed in return *ry's mom taught me that...lol*...and i took the money thankfully. so tonight, i have been emotional, tired, humbled, and thankful! Our God is an Awesome God!! ***if your reading this feel free to comment ....if you dont have blogger you can still comment anonmyous...just type ur name in the comment so i know who you are*****