fake smiles

have you ever looked into somebody. like look past what they are wearing, past the fact that maybe their hair doesnt look good, or for that matter you could never get your hair to do what theirs is doing....just look past everything society wants us to see...past makeup, look through smiles...have you ever really looked at a complete stranger before, and wondered what their day was like? wondered what they are facing at home? wonder if the makeup and name brand clothes are covering up brusies and pain..maybe its pain inside, pain nobody can see...maybe see a scar on somebody..and wonder what happend? complete strangers. why do i think of this stuff? while we were at the mall tonight i couldnt help but notice how many people walked around with frowns...and then how many walked around with smiles...but i saw the kind of smile that is just holding back a river of tears...know what im talking about? a smile that tries so hard not to let the faintest sign of pain shine through, but the pain just runs through the cracks of the smile. for some reason tonight i've thought so much about how people feel inside. how for some reason society tells us that hurting is weak...in all reality its normal...i think thats all i've got for tonight...theres more on my mind but i just cant seem to put it into words...hmm..yea..good bye

i think too much

for some reason i tend to analyze everything. not just things people say or do, but words even. i find myself breaking words down and at times looking up the meaning. i recently found that words amaze me. i love how a simple sentence can paint in our minds an entire story. hopefully what i am trying to say makes since. my youth group a while back talked about how our life is a predetermined story. its also a neat thought. but the other day i found myself analyzing the entire idea. can you imagine turning the page of your life. getting tired of whats going on and just turning the page so the next battle is at hand and the current one is past and forgotten. it would be nice. sometimes it would be nice to light the pages on fire. turn the white solid, to a black powdered ash. as i was thinking about all of these i also thought: ....why are we in a hury to complete in a week what God intended to last for a year? as someone who loves to write i would be very bitter towards someone that wanted to change every thing i've ever written. criticism is good but the thought of changing all my ideas just turns something within me and it just doesnt go over very well. what i want to know though, is why im in such a hurry to always change what God has written for me. i hope this made since, if not then i dont know...