The wind was bitter that day, unpleasant and unwelcoming. As I stepped outside to start my car, the cold cut through my coat and I felt as though it were taking the breath from my lungs. I jog the seven or eight feet to my car from the back door of my house. I quickly slide the ice cold metal key into the ignition with trembling hands. My car, hesitantly starts. It is not fond of such temperatures either. I make my way back inside, wishing it were warmer than it was in the house. In a rush to leave on time, I plug my hair straightener in, and run upstairs to change from pajama's to clothes. Frustrated because the pants I wanted to wear weren't clean, I just throw on some jogging pants and a hoodie - appropriate for the way I felt that day, and for the weather. I fix my hair half heartedly and leave in a hurry, forgetting my lunch money on the table and not eating breakfast that had been made for me earlier that morning. As I pull out of my drive way I call the girl that I take to school most days. Frustrated because my cell phone didn't have much of a signal, I decide not to even bother calling. I hate having broken up conversations due to bad connection. I go through the school day, talking to friends and doing the same thing I do every day. After my long day at school, I head home, not even wanting to think about having to go to work. Doing dishes for four hours isn't exactly - fun. This is my attitude most days. God is teaching me though...that I am blessed beyond measure. Truly blessed. I am blessed to have a coat, to protect me from the cold. I am blessed to have a car, and a place to park it. I am blessed to have a house, that is well heated. I am blessed to have cosmetics and hair products. I am blessed to have enough clothes to have to decide what to wear. I am blessed to have lunch money. I am blessed to have breakfast made for me...after all..i'm 18 years old. I am blessed to have a cell phone. I am blessed to have a wonderful education. I am blessed to have people that I can call friends. I am blessed to have a place to call home. I am blessed to have a job! Somtimes it is easy to overlook little blessings. Thank you Jesus!!

Hungry

I feel sort of speechless tonight.... I want more of you Jesus Before I rise in the morning Let your praises fall off my lips And before I lie my head in the evening Let your glory fill my room Search me in my sleep Lord Jesus Purify my heart, And fill this hunger in my soul thats all i've got.

A Change of Pace...

It was Feb. 12, 2000. I remember it well, in fact, I will never forget it. Mom left us. She just, up and left... I have always struggled with Valentine's Day, because for me it was just a sad time of year, it was a reminder that mom left...seeing my Dad in tears year after year...it never had that spark to it that most people see... This year though, things are so different for me. My life is changing and I love it. For the first year in seven years, I didn't even remember that mom left. When I looked at the date yesterday, it felt like there was something...but I figured that I just forgot an insignificant birthday or something of the sort...it completely escaped my mind..until Dad mentioned it tonight. After it being brought into conversation, I went upstairs to sit in my room just to think...and I am so excited. For once in my life, I am looking forward. I am looking at what is to come. I am so busy looking at my future that I didn't even think to look at the past. I have been praying..many hours in fact, for many weeks...that God would completely set me free from all the pain that has resided in my heart for years...I've been praying that God would separate me from painful situations and memories. Sunday night Pastor Mike asked me to come up for prayer and God said that I AM SET FREE FROM EVERYTHING!! I am so thankful. I realized tonight that I really have forgiven Mom...it honestly doesn't hurt me anymore. I have let that go, and I'm not taking it back! I am getting ready to graduate, I am getting ready to get married and start a family! And I am free!!!! Praise God!!! I love Ryan. I love that I have something to look forward to now. I love that he is always on my mind, even if I'm not on his...i love him calling me in the morning...its good to wake up to his voice....I praise God that I have an amazing life ahead of me...and that what I have dealt with is my past...and I don't have to carry it around anymore.... This is a change of pace...which I believe will do the heart some good....