sometimes i wonder why in the world i keep fighting. here lately the thought has been racing through my mind about how easy it would be to just quit everything...stop the christian religion stuff...stop being good..stop everyting that comes to mind. but something stops me from stopping...i want to be strong...i really do..i just cant seem to always find the strength. i find my self wondering what is stopping me...and i know its God...i just cant figure out why he's stopping me...i know he loves me and all that but i cant stand to love myself at times...yet he still keeps me close to him...i dont get it. on top of that im getting so tired of denominations in christianity...CANT I JUST BE A CHRISTIAN??? cant i just love God...and follow his word? why am i so tied down by doctrines and (some) churches....the only church i feel free at is my youth group. there are no strings attached...we are just madly in love with Jesus. it seems that other churches i have gone to in the past are tied down by memorized prayers (more like chants in my opinion)...feelings...who is who within the church...im just tired of it. it makes me sick to think about. i know that satan is at work in my life hardcore right now...i know that satan is controlling some of my thoughts...actions..words...and im tired of it too...i want everything to be in God's hands again...i need it to be that way...i want to surrender this fight...and just give it to God...im tired of fighting.i. need a break...